depersonalisationandme

Been away for a day and it’s just as well, it’s been amazingly hectic! Finally got all the Christmas shopping done, but need to wrap it all up now. I hate wrapping presents!

The last 48 hours were crazy, internally I’m really confused and hurting but externally I am the calmest and most level headed I’ve been in a long time. Sort of contradicts itself doesn’t it!

I’ve been accused, lied too, dumped, cuddled, loved & asked out in the last 48 hours! Manic stuff.

You feel like you really know someone and let them in to places that no-one has ever been into before to be greeted swiftly after with someone who lies & does twisted things to people. Knowing my past history with sexual violence I am left confused and humiliated. But I guess this is exactly what he was going for.

A cross between feeling hurt, confused, relieved and unattached swim over me when I think about it. Do I really care that much? No I guess not, people like that deserve to be alone. Oh well onwards and upwards!

About 8.30pm a knock on my door and I was greeted with someone I haven’t seen in a good few months, it was nice to catch up and have a cuddle, He had brought a friend who had me in stitches for hours.

A scrummy Chinese take-away, a few beers and an episode of Jackass later I collapsed into bed gone midnight and the lads let themselves out. Best night I’ve had in ages, I slept straight through no nightmares, no hauntings etc…

Cooked some Christmas cookies today, little shortbread 4 baking trays full! They are like rocks now so I don’t think they came out like they should of done but they are tasty anyway. But I’ve been wandering around with a knot in my stomach feeling guilty, I really don’t know why…