depersonalisationandme

Sometimes you have one of those light bulb moments through all the proverbial darkness and gloom something just clicks and says enough is enough. I’d like to think that’s the little bit of fight you have left inside you.

Anyway I had that moment early hours of this morning after waking up for the third time in a panic. I spent all yesterday evening filling in questionnaires so somebody, somewhere supposedly trained to deal with this kind of “mental trauma” can tell me how “mental” I am. Stupid questions like:  Some people have the experience of finding themselves in a place and having no idea where they got there on a scale of 0% - 100% what percentage of time does this happen to you. Well jeezus I should of had the men with the white coats kicking the door in as soon as my pen touched the paper.

But it was the second questionnaire that puzzled me I don’t see the relevance to physical pain with depersonalisation? However while filling in the sheets and answering questions like:  I dislike tastes I usually like (other than pregnancy or monthly periods), I dislike smells I usually like, I cannot sleep, Nausea and others about aches and pains it makes you wonder if those are actually a manifestation of your thoughts.

After seeing the counsellor on Wednesday, she left me with lots of think about and some relief and escape from the weeks before. I’m still confused but realise in the grander scheme of things that the things that are happening at the present are directly affected by what happened in the past & I will not do very much about it until I am in a position to deal with the past. I also need to learn to let things in the “present” go. If I can master letting the irritants of now fly over me then it should be easier to tap into the Pandora’s box and empty it once and for all.

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